College Advice - 1. Parents

Now that I’ve almost finished my first year of college, looking back, I can definitely say that I’ve changed and gotten better at being an adult, meaning that I’ve gotten used to being more independent.

When I first combed the Internet for advice about how to survive my first year of college, I got some good advice. In fact, I read Cal Newport’s book How to Win at College: Surprising Secrets for Success twice. There were some tips that were really helpful: the psychological tricks to study and be productive, scheduling classes and activities, making more connections with professors, and other tips that fell into general “duh of course I should do that” things that I just wasn’t aware of (scholarships, taxes). While these tips were useful, a lot of them were just tips about resources at college that I was aware existed already.

However, I have discovered that lately, college isn’t as complicated as a lot of people make it out to be. Sure, the sheer volume of tasks that need to get done can be intimidating. On your own, you’ll eventually have to do your own laundry, remember to eat when hungry, and get enough sleep to survive classes. The enormous amount of responsibility placed on your shoulders is quite the burden.

Beyond all the typical fuss you’ll see lots of websites try to help you sort out, there are some hidden psychological aspects to going to college that I have discovered, and most of them, unfortunately, I can come up with no clear solution to.

1 - Parent(s)
What a lot of websites might talk about are the things your parents did for you that now in college you have to do for yourself. However, I wanted to talk about the more subtle effect of being around your parent does to you. If you respect and obey your parents most of the time, you might find yourself feeling something similar to how I felt during college. I took some inspiration from readings we did in a few months back in PSYC 272 - Psychology of Education, particularly from Freud's theory of the tripartite psyche.

Sigmund Freud thought the structure of the psyche consisted of three parts: id, ego, and superego. The id is all the basic desires almost every living being has, the desires to procreate and consume. The ego is the consciousness and is the more rational counterpart to the id that attempts to reconcile the desires of the id with a reality that denies many of those desires. The superego is the authority of the brain, the moral compass that incorporates social values and morals. It also controls the id's impulses, especially the more socially taboo ones and persuades the ego to pursue morally good goals rather than just realistic ones.

As children, Freud theorized that the voices of our parents become internalized into our superego as we grow up. Thus, even when our parents are not around to scold us for being mean, our internalized voices will keep our behavior and thoughts in check. However, something I would like to add to that is that the superego is related to the power the authority figure has over you, and that the less power the authority figure has on you, the more the superego version of the figure will diminish. However, certain factors will be more resistant to diminishing, namely habits built up that no longer required reinforcement from the authority figure.

This applies for college as well. I believe that when we attend college, this superego weakens since our parents are no longer a major factor in our lives, especially since I see them way less than I used to. As a result, I feel less motivated to do as well as I did in high school.

Though there are many factors ranging from class difficulty to familiarity with material that probably determine academic success at college, so far, I am ashamed to admit, I have not been performing as well as I did in high school. Through this attempt to psychologically rationalize the reason for my difficult first year, I hope to be more aware of when I am slacking or procrastinating, and remember my high school self and the parents who cared so much about me succeeding in school and ultimately, life.

All I can say about fixing this problem is to talk to your parents at least once a week. Don’t forget that they are still a presence in your life, and that now that you are in college, their wishes go with you, hopefully never controlling you. Don’t forget grandparents too if possible. It’s so easy to forget about them, but they want to hear about your experiences. If you forget your experiences as easily as you forget material after a midterm like me, then writing in a journal would be prudent or just telling other people about your week will help you remember it better.







“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.” - Anne Frank