Parents
If you are Chinese, then you might be able to relate to this, but do you happen to know what university your parents went to? Is it Qing Hua, Bei Da, Zhe Jiang, or Jiao Tong? Those universities are basically the equivalent of MIT, Harvard, Stanford, Yale, or Caltech. I'm saying this because although my dad told me where he attended university, Qing Hua, I never really processed how great of an accomplishment this was until the day he told me that the next time I see him drinking with his friends and coworkers, it's basically a meeting of old MIT graduates. Then I realized it.
My dad worked very hard to get where he is today. Sometimes, I hate him for putting such high expectations on my shoulders and then me failing to reach them makes me hate myself. However, I understand why he does it. He studied hard and benefited from it, so it is reasonable for him to expect me to study also and benefit from it. He's been raised in a society in which education is the only ladder upwards (More about that in a later post). So he's worked at it for years and years and years, and I need to make sure that his pride in me isn't something he just says to keep me going. I need to make sure that he really is proud of me.
A year ago, my dad told me something. I was disturbed at first since I saw his eyes had a tinge of red in them. He had been weeping, not crying since my dad never cries. He told me that one of his friends' sons (let's call him Adam) had come back from college many years later. Adam told his father that he wished his father pushed him harder when he was younger. My dad bowed his head while telling me this story. Then, he asked me raised his head afterwards, quietly whispering this simple question, "Will you do the same?"
I didn't know how to respond. I thought about it for a good minute. Then, I said, "If I'm not successful in life, I'm not going to lower myself to a level in which I have to blame my parents for it. You've given me everything I've ever wanted in a dad, so I'd curse myself if I ever thanked you by saying you weren't enough."
My dad is a shy and reticent person. He even admits it himself. He was never a person to interact with other people at his school. If he could change one thing about himself it would be to be able to be a bit tougher. He hides his emotions a lot around me. He never shows his sadness nor happiness nor love, but I know he loves me to death. And for this, I will never, ever blame him for my failures. He deserves so much more than me, so I'll try to work hard for him, not for me, but for his peace of mind.
Our parents work so hard for us, so please don't blame them anymore. Understand why they nag you, why they are the bane of your existence. They don't do it because they feel you are a number, a single digit represented by your GPA or four digits of your SAT score. If they wanted someone smarter, they would have just never taken you on vacations, never played with you. But they don't do they? The reason why they obsess over test scores is because they've been raised in a world where education is key to living a good life. Would you rather have a parent who didn't care at all? A parent who never pushed you at all?
"They say it's 'for my own good' but how can they know what's good for you?" Says someone
Goddamnit. Listen here, they say it's good for you because it was good for them. Sure they might not know what's good for you, but at least they care. I want you to appreciate what you have. Somewhere in another household, a father is beating his mother, a child is staring at the blank wall of an orphanage, a child is held by the hand of stranger as he is led to the foster home. So appreciate who you have right in front of you. Love them, even if they don't show it, because deep down, parents were you once, and you need them.
And to all the parents out there, take it easy on your kids, they aren't the same as you, so don't throw all your aspirations on them. Don't let how you lived effect how they lived, after all, didn't you want a better, different life for them?
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